Relationships

Everyone puts on masks. The point of dating and being in a relationships is to hang out until the masks come off and you see the real person. This takes time. You need be comfortable and relaxed. Each person is different. Some people claim they don't have this. That they are the same no matter what. Then some people take 2 dates to open up and others 3 months. Its an individualized process I get that. That doesn't mean I cant be frustrated. Frustrated with myself! Ok example #1, Nacho, my best friend. Now we are way closer now than we were 11 years ago. (Yes it has been that long!) but we are still evolving and growing. Each new experience just changes us. Now if that happens with her, imagine the turmoil I am going through with the BF.

I have known him almost as long as Nacho. Granted, not in the same capacity, but still. Now part of me is annoyed that I don't feel as comfy or relaxed around him. And yet part of me is glad, because it has only been like 5 weeks and I am deathly afraid of going to fast. Since neither of us knows what the heck we want. I don't think rushing is the key to success here. And I know he feels similarly. The question is what to do? Spend more time together? Yes and No. Yes, that would be nice, but we would also get sick of each other. No, because he works too much and is tired. I mean even tonight, I haven't seen him since Sunday and he came over tonight, and has to go to work in the am. So I made him stay a little longer and I felt bad. But also I don't see him as much as I think I would like. It's weird. I cant seem to strike the right balance. Plus, always being afraid of screwing up (yeah a life of crappy relationships will do that to you) probably isn't the best combo.

So I turn to you. First it helps to get it out. Second I figure someone has to have some idea out there. You can do it anonymously. But still, I cant be the only to be struggling with this, or to have ever struggled with it.
Granted I realize, this may have been a long and unclear ramble to which I apologize, but if you managed to sift through and glean anything, I am happy.

Thinking hurts my brain, but its a pain that is necessary...