A different kind of post

Not funny or amusing (well it may be) but its serious, to me... ** (After much thought I have put in my editorial comments in {} next to some things, after thought and re-reading I have some new insights, see sometimes you just have to vent)

I can’t make decisions. I realize this may come as a shock to those of you who personally know me, but it’s true. I cannot make a decision. This is a problem I may have to deal withm its not good.

Lets start with the everyday/obvious.
I am a channel surfer to no end. I now have XM radio in my car and I flip through that thing like it was going out of style, because I cannot chose what station to stay on. Same holds mostly true for TV. {but then again, I may have ADD.}

I am being serious. Lets start with my current life and move backwards. [only "important life decisions" will be discussed, not my inability to pick out shoes/bags]

I have a job. Technically I chose my job, but was it really a choice? I had been out of work for almost 8 months by the time the offer came in. There were none other on the table. So I took it. Its not like I was fending them off and had to chose between a few and weight my options. I took what came my way and that’s all. I happen to really like it here. I have a great set up and I look forward to going almost everyday. But do you see what I am getting at? {ok so I cou ld have stayed home and done the job search thing more vigorously and I probobly would have a job by now, maybe I am just lucky and not decisionally challeneged}

Law school. So I chose my school, or more like my school chose me. It was the only place where I got in and lets face it the price was right. That’s it. No choice, decision practically made for me.

Undergrad. Ok maybe I had a hand in this, but I did not choose it for the reasons you think. I hate change. So I chose my college to have a similar life to what I had in high school. I didn’t want to leave the comfortable and familiar so I chose a school that would not break the routine I was used to from high school. Not a choice per-say, but rather a lets not rock the boat option. {ok I did chose my college, in fact I fought for it, long and hard with my parents... I take this paragprah back}

Israel. In between high school and college I spent a year studying abroad in Israel. Now the schools “we” went to ,you had to apply and get interviewed. It was an ordeal. I applied to 3 schools. (that’s a lot, most people apply to 1, the one they want) Because I wanted different things. Plus I am insecure, so I didn’t think I would get into them all, I figured, I would get into one like everyone else and my decision would be made. Yeah, I got into all three and I had to make a choice! Once again not really a choice. One school had a bunch of girls going that there was no way in hell I was going to be near so that was out. And the school I ended up at, had a gate with an armed guard, curfew and 3 meals a day (as opposed to an open campus and environment with 1 meal, optional per day) no brainer. Mom and dad paying, mom and dad decide. Jail in a foreign country with prepared gruel it was. That’s not to say I didn’t have the best year ever, or that it was the wrong choice, not at all. It was absolutely the right thing for me. I do not regret anything!

High school. Yes in my day, we applied to high school much like colleges and it was a nerve racking experience with interviews and competition galore. I had a first choice and it was not where I ended up. Why not? Simple, no way to get there. I would have been an early adopter so to speak, that’s how new of an idea the school I wanted to go to was. It was so out of the realm that there was no bussing. My mom would have to drive me 20 minutes to catch the bus with the kids from queens, every day. So yeah, that wasn’t going to happen. So I went to the best school that was closest to me, and had bussing, End of story.

Even in undergrad when I was involved it was kind of by default. I may have run for things, but I was always unopposed. I never actually ran against anyone. I was mostly just appointed. The same thing happened in Law school. I was a last minute addition. I did my jobs splendidly, but it wasn’t really a decision.

So what do I do now? I have many potentially life altering and earth shattering decisions that lay ahead. How am I going to live if I cant make a choice? Maybe that’s why I am still single? {not dingle persay, bc I have the bestes BF ever, but meaning not permamently attahced, althought I am seeing how marriage is less and less permanent in today's day and age. G-d when did I become synical?}Because I cant just step up and make a decision? Who knows, but I do know that its good I have identified this and now I must tackle it. As with any problem head on is the way to go. Like people who are afraid of heights and climb Mt. Everest, so to will I. I will be a lean mean decision making machine…

Now what should I do for lunch ;-)?